he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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