I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
