he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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