when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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