Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
