It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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