My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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