I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He better not be in your backpack
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
