i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sorry about my life...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
