Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
