So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
