I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
