I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
