note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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