she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
