apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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