I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
