the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
