absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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