So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i love accidental penises.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
