Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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