1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
