That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
