just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
