I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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