honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
