All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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