just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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