who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
