i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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