Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
