I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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