Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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