Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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