I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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