You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
