ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
