Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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