My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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