He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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