Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
