i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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