Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
