omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
