You made me cry and you don't even care
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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