Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
