why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
