dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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