pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
