i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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