Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
