just come out here and I will go home with you...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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